Institutional Landscaping of the Damned (An Ongoing Series)

This just leaves me asking why.  Why not just put in a decorative rock or something?  What is the point of a brutally pruned shrub entombed in a desert of rock mulch and accompanied by an air conditioning unit? In fact, accompanied is exactly the right word; they haven't tried to obscure the unit with a riot of bushes, they've placed them in perfect balance.  Neither element of the design is more or less important.

It's alive and green, but really looks dead and lifeless.  Ironically, the completely untended weeds along the bike path a mere 20 feet away look much better (if you can block out the chain link fence).

I get that people want low-maintenance landscaping, but I think some well-adapted native plants would actually require less work--they must be spraying weedkiller regularly to keep this space free of interlopers that might detract from their bush/air conditioner composition.

Who Decided to Sex Up Irises?

So I bought some dutch iris corms at Home Despot and I'm ashamed to admit that I succumbed to a really tacky marketing ploy.  Some marketing geniuses somewhere have decided that the one thing buyers of irises are looking for is more sex appeal.  I bought three types of irises, and their names are (I'm not joking) Rock Star, Aggressively Forward, and Dangerous Mood.

The colors look fun and a bit wild, but are they serious?  Have they really done some sort of focus group of iris buyers and determined that what they really want is some sexytime?  I mean, I bought them because it cracked me up in the store, but these names really seem geared towards a teen market, and unless teens have changed a lot since I was one, they're usually not interested in irises.  In fact, it's the rare teen who's interested in plants at all.  I'm guessing that even for teens with green thumbs, irises are not high on their list of edgy and exciting plants.

I could maybe see sexing up the names of already alluring tropicals and exotics, but irises just do not seem like an ideal subject for this particular tactic.  Maybe you could create cool names for new colors of fritillaria--that name already seems kind of dirty to me, and it's an awesome and dramatic looking plant in the garden.  But irises are like lilacs and delphiniums--very nice, but also very old fashioned plants that really don't need names better suited to cheap nail polish.  What's next, hostas with names like Hey There Hot Stuff or begonias in new shades ranging from Garter Belt to Heaving Bosom?

The Smell of Death

There are a lot of nice things about fall--pumpkin pie, jack o'lanterns, candy corn, the fresh smell of new school supplies, fall fashion...  For some reason, though, my yard really smells like ass.  I think it's all the rotting foliage.  It's just awful, and it lingers until we have a really good hard frost.

World's Cutest Dwag

We lost our dog this month--he was older, and had a lengthy history of health problems.  In fact, the autopsy report came back and he was in startlingly bad shape.  Dogs just do not complain, and no matter how bad they feel they find pleasure in walks, ear scratches, and new smells.

I ordered this online in the midst of my worst grief.  Next time I lose a loved one I might need to put my credit cards away for a few weeks.  Ordering a custom engraved memorial rock seemed really essential at the time; now, it seems a bit silly and I can't seem to find the right place in the garden for it.  Plus, I'm kind of worried that over the years my garden might start looking a bit like that Steven King novel that I'm never going to read.  However, I do want to remember him.  I did love having him out with me in the garden or on the porch on nice, not too hot, days.

Here's Mack enjoying the packaging from something else I must have bought online at some point.  You'd never guess from this photo that he had all kinds of plush bedding of his own.

The Under Gardener at Work

Slinky provides moral support while I work on some weeding in the bed beneath the window.

Happiness is a Clean Shed

I did one thing right this summer--I cleaned out my shed, which was a complete and utter disaster.  I didn't think to photograph it in its "before" state, but basically you couldn't see the floor or the back wall.  Most teens have more organized rooms than my shed in its previous state.

Another Satisfied Customer

Stumpy enjoys our new porch furniture, though she's a little concerned about the lack of food on the table.